If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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