Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
