That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
