Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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