he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
