babies were throwing up all over the place
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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