so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She even gives head with a lisp.
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I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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