I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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