He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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