I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
