Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
sex in a hospital.. check
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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