im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
