Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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