My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
