I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
