I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
