Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
