guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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