I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
