Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
