somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
