the condom got lost in my hair
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
