idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
