That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
