there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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