He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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