So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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