im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
