well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
