Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
