the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
