i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
