totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
