imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
