I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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