I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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