yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
