yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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