if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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