the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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