how can u be prego again
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
