So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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