hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
