i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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