I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
