that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
