Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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