I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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