I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
PANTIES FOUND
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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