I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
