Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
