Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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