i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
