i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
