dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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