it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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