Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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