worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
