You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
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THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
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I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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