Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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