can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
