now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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